Every Lunar New Year, the reunion table brings out the same handful of questions: when will you get a partner, when will you marry, when will the baby come, and what exactly do you earn? Most are asked out of habit or affection, but they can still wear a person down.
Here is how the five most common ones tend to play out, and some calm, friendly ways to answer each.
The custom in practice
For many families, the festival is the one occasion in the year when extended relatives gather. That means red packets, tubs of festive goodies and, for some, a round of questions from aunties and uncles who have not seen them since last year. The questions are often a way of making conversation, but they can touch on very personal choices.
“Why don’t you have a partner yet?”
This one is often aimed at women who are in their late twenties or beyond, especially those doing well at work. A smile and a light answer usually works: you are enjoying your career and are in no hurry to settle for anyone but the right person. It is honest, positive and hard to argue with.
“When are you getting married?”
Older relatives often see marrying late, or not at all, as a worry. Many people reply by explaining that they want to be financially steady first, for example saving towards a home before making the commitment. It tells the family you are thinking seriously about the future, and it often ends the conversation kindly.
“When will you have a baby?”
Relatives who dream of a new little one at next year’s gathering may not realise how sensitive this is. The simplest reply is a truthful one: you are not ready yet, and having children should be a choice you want rather than one made under pressure. Said warmly, it is clear without being rude.
“Have you put on weight?”
Comments about appearance are unwelcome, however casually they are meant. Try not to take it to heart. Laughing it off works well: it is the festive season, and the food is there to be enjoyed. Many relatives back off, and some even admire the relaxed attitude.
“How much do you earn?”
Sometimes this is plain curiosity, and sometimes it is a subtle judgement of your job. You do not owe anyone a figure. A pleasant answer that you earn enough, and that you are happy with your work and life, is usually enough to close the subject.
Keeping the mood light
A few habits make all five answers easier:
- Keep the tone cheerful. A smile signals that you are not offended, so the other person is less likely to press on.
- Have one short line ready for each question, so you are not caught off guard in front of the whole table.
- Turn the question around. Asking an auntie about her own holiday plans, or her favourite New Year dish, moves the talk somewhere friendlier.
- Remember the intent. Most relatives are showing interest in the only way they know how.
Where the conversation is heading
Attitudes within families differ, and many younger people now say openly that marriage, children and pay are private matters. Plenty of relatives accept this readily once it is said kindly and consistently. A gentle boundary, repeated with good humour year after year, often does more than any clever comeback.
In the end, the reunion is about being together. With a few easy replies in your pocket, the questions become a passing moment rather than the main event, leaving more time for the food, the red packets and the company.